I’m Back.

Pardon my disappearance, I was out chasing the goodness in life. And now I’m back to appreciate the goodness directly in front of me.

What the heck is this random American in Germany talking about? If you’ve been reading these posts, going all the way back to when I first left New York City to live in a beach town in Portugal, you know that I’m always harping on about balance and perspective; the two magical words which I think hold the key to my success in many moves abroad. 

But as a friendly reminder, these blog posts about the quest for balance and perspective come from exactly that: the quest to find those things. 

*And by “quest” I mean the messy struggle, littered with a whole lot of bumps, a few missteps in the form of confusing German words, and some really sweet-smelling little victories. 

So as I took a kleine Pause (“short break” in German) from my weekly blog uploads for the past month or… three, I put a lot of effort into making sure that quest didn’t swallow me whole. Which uh, sounds dramatic, but in all honesty, it was the loveliest disaster you could ever imagine. 

You see, a few months ago I found myself reveling in independence and more inspired by the people around me than ever before. This includes colleagues, friends, workout buddies; You name a productive facet of life and I was surrounded by people who were nailing it and keeping me motivated just by… being their badass selves. (This sentence is written in past tense which makes no sense because all of these people are still nailing it but uh… just read on, ok?)

And then, just as I was thinking the universe was really smiling on me in the independence and inspiration department, it got better. 

I met a boy*. We went to Italy. And I fell in the sweetest love. 

*A boy that approximately 325 of you have already creeped on via Instagram (Instagram insights are weird and wonderful). And a boy who won’t be dragged into the blog because, I uh, casually forgot to mention the fact that I publish personal details of my life all over the internet on our first date. 

Cue the imbalance. 

Imbalance. 

This thing that would seemingly be the arch-enemy of balance-seeking Emily has been filling a lot of my days recently. Inspiring cocktail hours with friends have carried on, work has multiplied, runs and workouts have been about as consistent as any travel plans lately, and then on top of it all, I’ve found myself wanting to spend every waking moment with another human, instead of sitting at home and finding my balance. 

But you know what I find really cool about the days filled with too many plans, a calendar bursting with meetings, and a struggle bus of a German class before bed? They leave me feeling so fulfilled. 

On my quest to find balance, I’d say I’ve become more imbalanced along the way, saying yes to a few too many post-German class drinks, biking across the city to catch up with friends for lunch more than I ever have before, and filling every weekend with so many adventures, you might as well call me Magellan. And I think, in this funky post-not-post-pandemic world we’re living in, we’re all struggling to make the most of what’s right in front of us, without losing our precious balance. Saying yes to things that exist now because we don’t know when the next lockdown is coming. Booking flights for trips that might not exist in a few months because the wanderlust is getting restless in our curious brains. And teetering between making plans that refuel our socializing hearts but backing off from gatherings that bring us germ-filled anxiety. 

But you know what’s funny? 

Beyond the whatsapp messages of “I’m running five minutes late from [insert plans or meeting] but I’m on my way!”, the four daily cups of coffee (working on getting it down to two), and a handbag bursting with extras for god-knows-what I’ve planned that day, has come the most blissful feeling of utter, unbalanced happiness. 

And as I’m typing this, I realize exactly why. I was living in my own, perfectly-planned universe, teetering on the enthusiastic edge of balance, for most of the past year; settling into my growing independence and this life that I made for me, myself, and I in Hamburg. And then, bit-by-bit, my heart and mind slowly started to do something without my knowledge, shifting and opening in small increments, which plan-filled Emily barely noticed. 

They were making space. 

Space for something I didn’t know I was missing. Space that would push me to say yes to plans that previously threw off the handwritten appointments in my Passion Planner. Space for starting every weekend with my favorite Hamburg workout classes (heyyy Urban Heroes and Hicycle). Space for someone else besides me, myself, and four cups of coffee. 

The funny thing about balance is that when you tip the scale, the balance changes. When you make space, things get rearranged. So as the quest for balance and perspective continues in my life in Europe, maybe I’m not as imbalanced as I thought. (And at this point, even if I am, I’d say the happiness I’ve felt while rearranging a few things is worth the apologetic whatsapp messages… and that extra cup of coffee ;) )

Thanks for bearing with me while I regained this balance. I can’t wait to be back more regularly with warm fuzzies, tales of trips and travels (New York, I’ll see you in a few short weeks!), and my hilarious missteps as an enthusiastic foreigner in a slightly unenthusiastic country.

It’s a total pleasure navigating this wonderful, imbalanced world with all of you.