Why You Should Become a Master Community Builder
PSA: A bajillion companies are currently hiring people to be “community managers” and while that’s all fine and good (go apply!), I think it’s a sign that we’re all needing a bit more community in our lives these days. Let’s discuss…
I was at a new friend’s flat in Hamburg last night, for a small get together with drinks and clothes swapping (so fun!), when someone commented, “wow, it seems like you’ve really established a lot of friends here. That took me two years!” This got me thinking, because this girl was completely correct. Many people struggle to make friends when moving to a new place, especially if they move with a partner/spouse/etc. But if my moving abroad has taught me anything, it’s the importance of community. And I’m talking about the community that lies outside of the walls of your home.
Just under two years ago, I wrote about being a confident adult on a mission to make friends. I’d moved to Ericeira, Portugal, without many connections, and wanted to separate my social life from that of my boyfriend’s (because let’s be honest, I was sick and tired of hearing people talk about waves and swells and whatnot). So I set out on an optimistic mission filled with unexpected twists and turns. After all, making friends as an adult in the age of technology is a bit different than lending your shovel to someone in the sandbox at 4 years-old and quickly establishing your new BFF.
And now that I moved to Hamburg, a sweet yet lively city with exponentially more people than my surf town in Portugal, I’m absolutely amazed at the growing community I’m surrounded by, of both expats and locals alike. And instead of talking about how you can make this happen (which you can find in this post), I want to take a second and tell you why this has changed the game for me.
In all honesty, I think being in a long-distance relationship was one of the best things for my social life (granted, it had its moments of difficulties). I moved to Hamburg alone, with two good friends and a desire to prove to myself that my hunch for living here was correct.
So I hopped on Bumble BFF, joined Facebook groups, made a surprising number of Instagram connections, and just started saying yes! Yes to yoga classes, yes to drink invitations, yes to those last-minute “we’re going to do blah blah blah, do you want to come?” And y’all it so worked. I’ve had afternoon cocktails with a group of international #bossbabes (sorry, I had to) all navigating primarily male-driven industries. I’ve become the number one groupie (and saleswoman) for an outdoor yoga class with cool music and a crazy cast of characters, every Tuesday evening. And I’ve rocked up to German workout classes at my gym, without knowing a soul, and come away with actual smiles and “see you next time!”s from sweaty German women who initially rolled their eyes at my blatant American-ness.
And while I won’t continue to bore you with my successes of friend-making (because there have also been some crashing failures), I want to express that it’s not just about drinks and endorphins. In fact, two weeks ago, when sh*t was really hitting the fan with my apartment situation, a German girl I’d met approximately two times showed up at my coworking space after work and sat down to create an apartment search profile for me, draft emails to landlords in German, and secure appointments for me at the relevant offices.
And recently, when I sat down with a brand-new Bumble BFF friend for post-work cocktails, and we began to tiptoe around certain questions, for fear of sharing too much upon first meeting, we discovered something even better. Turns out both of our relationships were in similar murky waters, and we immediately bonded over being fierce, confident women completely confused by the pitfalls of our partners. That was a memorable gin basil smash, I can tell you that much!
And last night, as I sat among this group of fierce, diverse women in a living room in Eimsbüttel, boobs hanging out while swapping shirts (it was a clothing swap, calm down), and throwing dresses at each other because “oh! This will look PERFECT on you” I had to smile at how happy I was to be in there. Because I thought I had enough friends. My circle is pleasantly round. But what a shame it would have been to miss the connections I made last night (I’m now in a women’s marketing group!), not to mention the cute bomber jacket I went home with.
In essence, I might be thousands of kilometers from my family, in a country where I barely speak the language, but I’ve never felt less alone. And I credit that to my community. I only wish that I would’ve learned this a few years earlier and expanded my circle in New York. If you’re willing to take my word for it, please know that putting in a little extra effort to find the folks you truly connect with, not just the convenient connections of colleagues and neighbors, is 100% worth it, and then some.
Maybe you’ve lived in the same place for 15 years. Maybe you’re toying with the idea of relocating to another state. Or perhaps you’re like me and are completely tempted by the charms of living in Europe. Wherever you are, I hope that you put in the effort to continuously expand your circle. Talk to new people. Expose yourself to new ideas. I know your social calendar might be pleasantly filled. But make space.
Trust me on this one...
The Top 5 Ways I’ve Made Friends Abroad:
Yoga classes and the gym (I go to Kaifu Lodge)
Facebook Groups (Expat groups, freelancer groups, women’s groups, etc)
Instagram! (Seriously- start following hashtags like #hamburgexpats #femaledigitalnomads or whatever else suits your situation!)
Bumble BFF
Coworking Spaces (I know it’s hard now with Corona, but these networking events are KEY!)