How I'm Surviving the "New Normal"
That sunday mornin’, sleepy glow
This is a brand new blog post. Much like my new, beautiful, green velvet couch. And similar to my new job which I’ll be starting at the end of this month. Oh yeah, and there’s a batch of new clothes on its way to me now too, because I’m fighting an online shopping problem.
And this, my friends, is the hurricane of newness I currently find myself in. And while I wouldn’t say I’m handling it particularly poorly, there are some significant flaws that have shown their beautiful faces recently.
Do you ever find yourself getting wrapped up in things and suddenly, when you have a moment to press pause, you look around and go “how the hell did I get here?” That was me yesterday, as I stood on a curb in the gorgeous Winterhude neighborhood of Hamburg, accompanied by a sideboard I’d just purchased secondhand, desperately pleading with the taxi driver to take my precious cargo and I, as the rain was just starting to pick up and I had literally no other way to transport this thing.
The second taxi took us, luckily...
For me, that was one of those “pause” moments that made me realize how I’ve been bulldozing through this phase of newness in my life. In essence, I guess you could say it’s my way of coping. Why was I so intent on buying this insignificant piece of furniture? Because it filled an empty space of my new apartment and I need to furnish it as soon as possible to get through this phase of newness! Keep caffeinated and carry on, if you will.
And why did I spend a questionable amount of time searching Kleiderkreisel (totally recommend this site for great secondhand clothes in Germany!) for cute blouses this week? Well, as I opened the second package that arrived and donned a dreamy, feminine puff-sleeved shirt, I realized that the newness of my new job is scaring me and I might as well arm myself with something guaranteed to make me feel good: clothes.
(Sidenote: I’m not one of those bloggers who often posts about clothes. Is this something you’d be interested in seeing? Drop me a note, if so. If not, I’ll continue spilling my guts to you ;) )
But as I flipped through the new (old) blouses that arrived at my doorstep, and started dreaming up outfits that I’d wear for Zoom meetings with my new team, I realized that while the clothes would definitely add a little spring in my step, they wouldn’t change the big picture. At the end of the day, the things that will make me happiest at my new job are the communication skills that I’ve been honing for the past couple of years, or brainstorming sessions for campaigns where my creativity gets to run wild. These are inherent things that lie within me, regardless of what brand of shirt I’m wearing.
And I had a similar “come to Jesus” moment, as I stood at the bottom of my 5th-floor walkup (it’s called the 4th floor, but the steps don’t lie y’all. Who caught this part of Emily in Paris?), armed with a sideboard that needed to land in my living room. It’s safe to say those next 45 minutes included enough sweat, expletives, and accidental “bangs!” for the assembly of thirteen IKEA dressers. But, as I filled the sideboard with the remnants of my moving boxes and finally brought the last of the cardboard down to the recycling container, I realized that the sideboard didn’t matter. At all. The thing I was most excited about yesterday was the wine and cheese evening that I’d planned with a few close friends. And when those friends showed up, after showing them my gorgeous new couch and all of the bits and bobs I’ve run all over Hamburg tracking down for my new flat, I chose to sit on the floor. That’s right. With all of my fun, new seating options, and pretty sideboard, I chose to sit on the ground (ok, with my pouf) and soak up the magic of a no-frills night with the people who “get me” the most.
And this is where I’m at (improper English, but just go with me here), on a Sunday morning as I sit blogging on my fancy new couch, wearing an Old Navy sweater my mom gave me four years ago for Christmas. I’ve been a bulldozer these past few weeks, careening through life, grabbing at whatever furniture and frilly, & Other Stories blouses I pass along the way. I haven’t been stopping to enjoy the view much, or take in the moments spent with friends, as much as I should. Oh, and the online shopping thing is a serious battle, at the moment. I currently have a tab open on Zalando with 8 items in my shopping cart, just waiting for the moment I get stressed enough to press “checkout.”
But now that the sideboard is in place, my closet is full, and my new working contract is signed, I’ve stopped to appreciate where I am in this moment. And what’s funny is I feel just as much at home as the first day I arrived in Hamburg 3 years ago, with two suitcases and an iPad full of sheet music. I’m at home when I’m inspired and challenged by my work, surrounded by kind friends, and go to sleep feeling fulfilled.
The clothes don’t matter. The sideboard is insignificant. And the number of vacation days in my contract is not an indicator of happiness. (Though this is pretty wow-ful compared to the average working contract in the States…)
The highlights of my week were seeing one of my dear friends try on wedding dresses and tearing up when she came out from behind the fitting room curtain beaming, and looking like a princess, and chatting for over an hour with my first marketing boss about the opportunities that lie ahead for both of us and taking stock of the incredible work we did together, and, lastly, sitting at home alone on the floor, with a glass of wine, feeling proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished in these 28 years of my life.
And that’s what I hope to take with me into this next week of newness. No more bulldozing (I hope) and no more taxi transfers with difficult pieces of furniture. Just me, in the moment, appreciating what was there all along.