Why ABBA Songs Are Transformational (and other insecurity hacks)
You’re fierce.
YOU are a confident, ambitious woman.
You’re so freaking creative!
You. Are. An. AIDA. Star.
Chiquitita!
What the hell are these cringey sayings and why is an ABBA song there? Let me tell ya…
Two weeks ago, as I sat in front of my busy computer screen, waiting to hop on a call to discuss my salary with my bosses, in an intimidating two-against-one situation. Before getting on this call, and gathering my confidence, I took 45 seconds to write out self affirmations to have next to my mouse pad. Inevitably, I knew there might be questions I wouldn’t have the answers to, or proposals I wasn’t sure if I wanted to accept. And in those moments, instead of panicking, I wanted to breathe, collect my thoughts, feast my eyes on an affirmation, and respond like the honest, cool, and collected badass I intend to be. My puff sleeved blouse had me feeling all cute, and served as a nice distraction to the fact that I was feeling incredibly nervous.
Fast forward to 7 days ago, as I sat crafting a set list for my first singing gig in over 12 months. (For those of you who don’t know me, I used to be a singer/dancer in New York and spent the better part of two years as a headline soloist on massive German cruise ships.) As I wracked my brain to list 5 songs I knew I could sing at the drop of a hat while simultaneously feeling like a million bucks, I started to get nervous. Alllll of the doubts I had in New York during Broadway’s audition season started to weasel their way between my thoughts of “A Million Dreams” from The Greatest Showman and “Part of Your World” from everyone’s favorite Disney princess. I know I can sing. I’m a reasonably confident person.
But I also know my own insecurities.
And as I shuffled through my library of playbacks, I realized the power in that previous statement, and the progress I’ve made over the past few years that have led me to own my insecurities. In my mind, there’s a huge difference between owning your insecurities and classifying yourself as insecure. When you know your insecurities and you start to invite them to your dinner table and your midday coffee breaks, you start to discover why the heck they’re there in the first place and what you can do to become friends. You might think I’m crazy, but I’m telling you it works!
For instance, I’m insecure about the fact that I haven’t had a voice lesson in over 3 years, yet I’m going to star in a musical show for hundreds of people in the middle of nowhere Germany (The Robinson Club in Fleesensee. It’s gorgeous, by the way). Ok, noted. I’m feeling shaky. Let’s fill in the gaps of the show with some ABBA tunes from Mamma Mia, as I can sing them in my sleep and holy moly German people have the most incredible audience reaction to ABBA music I’ve ever seen in my life (we’re talking clapping along on 1 and 3, standing ovation, the works!). Not to mention, my bright, mixy voice is well suited for “Chiquitita” and just about every other ABBA tune. Immediate confidence boost in the show.
I started to speckle the set list with the songs that made me feel the most confident and slowly went from pure nervousness to a genuine enthusiasm to being back onstage again.
And remember that conversation with my bosses I was preparing for? Two minutes before the phone rang, I had a curated list of the things I know I bring to the table in my position. My communication skills are an 11 out of 10. My positive attitude and determination get results that most people would give up on, before even knowing they were possible. And I can own a phone call with prominent media stars with the same confidence that I can dance around on a massive, moving stage in front of an audience of thousands singing “Chiquitita.” This is where my confidence comes from. And while I have an equally long list of areas where I’m still lacking experience (Excel spreadsheets being the bane of my existence), known as insecurities, that list isn’t where my power comes from. The power comes from accepting the things you don’t know, owning what makes you uncomfortable, and pinpointing the standout qualities you have that make those things matter less.
Something I think is important about insecurities is making a conscious effort to embrace them. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve found that if I just try and shove them aside or justify them with negative deflections like “oh, who cares anyways” or “I’m not being paid enough for XYZ” I start to dip into the territory of being insecure as a character trait. Nothing productive comes from these deflections. Trust me…
I’m not an insecure person and I never want to be an insecure person. In fact, I’m often told by people how confident I come across as being, which is exactly why I wanted to write this post today. I’m much more confident now than I was as a 22 year-old actress in New York (I’m still only 28 so at this rate, my confidence will be overtly obnoxious and off the charts in a few years…). But I’ve still got my doubts. I get nervous to go on stage. I feel really embarrassed whenever I have to speak German. And I definitely felt out of my league trying to negotiate a salary with two established, hard-balling, business world dudes.
But I’m a person who wants to excel, chase my desires, and live a life that’s full of experiences that make me a better person. None of that happens without a dash of insecurity, whether I like it or not. Luckily, I’m starting to learn what my ABBA songs are in these situations- the solid fixes I can lean on for strength and a good beat.
And ya know what?!
It’s working y’all.
Remember that call with my bosses? I mean, I didn’t walk out with a million dollars, and I definitely sweat through my puff-sleeved blouse, but as a person who has never once before negotiated a salary, I came out of that meeting with a structured plan to get to the number I know I deserve.
Oh, and the show? Honestly, one of the highlights of my year, performed to standing ovations from the German crowd with one of my dearest friends. With all of the turmoil happening in the world right now, it felt like the symbolic hug I needed. Afterwards, several guests came up to us saying we had “touched their hearts” with our music. Now, if that’s not something to shrink my list of insecurities, I’m not sure what is.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a rousing version of Chiquitita playing and I’ve got to pay my respects…